The stupid thing is, I already knew that, I've been trying to cinvince myself to do that for ages. But it's in my nature to worry about things. "Fret" is a good word. And then get all passive-aggressive when things don't work out properly.
So, the qeustion now is, how do I change a part of me? And how do I get over the "there must be a reason I turned out like this, it's not my place to argue with the Universe and fuck with what it has wraught" feeling?
I need to just get over it. Get over myself. And get over everything. But how? I should love my family, they give much love and support, and don't mind me leeching off them (who else here can say that their mother would come and pick them up at 5am after a party when they've drunk too much? On a regular basis? I'm 23, shouldn't I be able to look after myself even just a little bit by now?).
But I don't love them. They annoy me. I wish they'd just leave me alone. Especially her, I can't stand her anymore, she is (literally?) driving me crazy. Can't she just shut up for 5 goddamn minutes (that's not exageration, I've *timed* her)?
But all that is just stressing, right?
And to top it all off, I'm sick now. Stupid head cold, I never get sick.
Of course, since I told someone that the other day, I was bound to get sick. Everytime I "brag" about any of my "abilities", Karma comes along and screws it up again, for a while. I really should know better by now, it always happens. Always.