Serpens (serpens) wrote,
Serpens
serpens

My ColourQuiz results not entirely accurate...

It's too bad that it got the "Your Actual Problem" part completely reversed.
Why on earth would I "need to be valued and respected as an exceptional individual" when I'm not one? What I need is for people to stop trying to tell me that everyone is a wonderful human being. Sure everyone may be "created [born] equal," but as soon as they get old enough to start being an individual, that pretty much goes out the window. I have no talent, a bare modicum of skill, and a virtually non-existent personality (that is *not* me trying to put myself down, it's *true*). How on earth could I be considered "equal" to an creative, intelligent, *interesting* person?!
And the last thing I need is to increase my sense of self worth. Everytime in the past I've even *begun* to think "oh yeah, I'm hip, I'm cool, I'm good", Life has smacked me down and shown me that it's simply not true. I don't "resist mediocrity," I embrace it because it's all I'll ever be. The only "standard" or goal I've set myself for the duration is To Die Friendless And Alone because at least it's something I know I can actually achieve. So I guess this is the part where I "become distressed when [my] needs or desires are misunderstood."
I *need* to be on the bottom of the heap, it's where I belong. I *like* being here, I *feel comfortable* here. If I tried to climb up, sooner or later I'd fall (or get pushed) down anyway, so why not just stay here? I've been me a lot longer than anyone else has, so I know what I can do (Nothing, Nowhere, No one), and what I can't. Pretty much everything that I've experienced so far has been "hey Serpens, guess what? You're crap." I could believe the sky is green all I want, it wont change the fact that it's blue. People can believe that everybody is worth while all that they want, it doesn't change the fact that I'm not.

This is the person that I am, and if there's one thing that countless Teen Dramas, American SitComs and Romantic Comedies have taught me, it's "Always be yourself." So I'm not going to try and be someone I'm not. I guess the fact that the "yourself" that is "myself" plain all out sucks is just my little cross to bear, isn't it? And you know what? I don't mind.
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